January 11, 2001
Sad
I have to admit, I'm not doing so well.
Last Friday was my last day at Conney and from there I drove to Minnesota to start my new life. I was kind of excited. You know, embarking on a whole new world and all that. I was also excited that I had the next week off and I could spend that week finally getting my life back in order. I imagined the week spent rearranging furniture, unpacking books, perhaps reading some of them. I wanted to find a bank, join a gym, get our internet hooked up and get my dog a license. But most of all, I want to relax, cook, workout and settle.
And now it's Thursday and I'm sick and I haven't accomplished even half of what I wanted. I have frustrating issues nagging at me and deep down, I just feel really sad.
I guess I should have known on Monday evening that something was slightly wrong. The morning went well. I unpacked and cleaned the bathroom. My new Pottery Barn shower curtain is just lovely (and recently discontinued from the website so I'm glad I got it!). The cable guy came and hooked us up (yes, after having cable in Madison -- and considering the TERRIBLE reception we get -- we're officially cable-philes, something we'd been avoiding for years).
I unpacked a little more, made the beds in both our bedroom and the spare. Then, around 11ish, I decided to just flip on the cable to see what was on. Big mistake. I came across St. Elmos Fire which I haven't seen since I was a pre-teen in love with Rob Lowe and Andrew McCarthy and I was hooked. I sat for the next hour or so watching a movie I now realize is not so good, but I was enjoying it just the same. Then, about 12:15 the channel went POOF! and I realized I'd been watching HB02. Bummer. The cable guy said I would get the premium stations for a few days. So, it was a few hours. I was slightly annoyed because it was just at the end where Ally Sheedy and Andrew McCarthy were about to sleep together. I loved that part as a kid because I was madly in love with Andrew McCarthy. I fell hard for the tragic, "deeply in love" man -- hence my obsession with Pretty in Pink, too -- which embarrasingly enough, I own.
At any rate, St. Elmos Fire zapped off my screen and I figured it was time to get back to work. However, when I went into the back room where a second cable box was hooked up, I turned on the TV to test it only to find that cable was kaput. Gone. Only a message that said, "Your cable box has been disconnected. Please call your cable company" appeared.
Sooo... I call the cable company and after a frustrating 30 minutes on the phone while the operater tried to remedy the situation, she decides to send another guy -- on Wednesday.
This is all fine, I guess. I mean, I don't really think we need cable in two rooms for the next day or so that desperately. The only reason I even got it for the second room was that we were already paying $40/month and the extra $3 for a cable box seemed negligible. Especially, since James and I sometimes disagree on what to watch.
Anyhow, after I dealt with that, I decided to hook up our DSL connection. I got out all the instructions, the "DSL connection box" and went to work. I had to hook up the wires to the modem, connected them to my Airport and then put a phone filter on our other telephone. In less that an hour, I was up and online. I even mailed the notify list that everything was hooked up and I was planning on updating later that day.
After that, I did a few more minor chores and then got ready to head to the gym. James and I joined Lifetime Fitness and James wanted me to meet him for the 5:30 Cardio Kickboxing class which he had taken once before.
Getting there was interesting because I'm used to driving to the gym. Now, I can walk through the skyways. It's about a 5 or 6 block walk. I was a little nervous because I'd only been there once before on Saturday and I wasn't sure I remembered the way. But I made it and headed to class and James wasn't there.
That was okay. The class was rather small (which is good because the room is really small!). And class was not so good. I honestly didn't care for it. The instructor was good, I can tell she's very fit and knows her shit. But her cueing had me off. It's really difficult to go from gym to gym. Instructors always do things differently, so I really have to rely on them for good cues. However, she would just rattle things off and them come and direct you if you weren't doing it correctly. At one point we'd just done a large number of side kicks (or what I assumed were side kicks) but when we got to the other leg, she started rattling off back kicks. I didn't realize this, however, and was doing the side kicks. This caused the instructor to come over to me and start drilling at me, "No! Turn Around" "No! It's not a lunge" and all these other things. I finally realized I was trying to side kick rather than back kick but only after she had grabbed my hips, turned me around. I was so frustrated and taken aback I almost started to cry. Honestly. I've never felt like this in a class before and I immediatly considered leaving.
But I didn't. I stuck around and tried to avoid being singled out again. Still, she made me feel very uncomfortable. I think she's just trying to be helpful and I'm all for correct form. But her approach was intimidating. And there's no room for two-way communucation because she's teaching class at the same time. So, when I didn't understand her directions, she'd just bark them louder and louder and louder. I was also annoyed at the fact that she kept telling us to watch the advanced people in the front (which I did) but I swear, even when I was doing the same thing as them, I'd get barked at. It definatly was not a promising first fitness class at our new health club. This is also the club that James auditioned at to be a spinning instructor. They told him his cuing was bad -- yet, the class he attended later that evening was horribly instructed. Blah.
So, after class, I ran into James. He'd had to work late and was sorry. He was going to spin and I decided to go home because I wanted to fix dinner and was, frankly, a little rattled by the class.
Dinner cooked okay. Robert Downey, Jr. was adorable as usual on TV. James came home and I went to show him our new DSL setup only to discover it was no longer working. I stayed up until 11pm screwing with it, but it no longer worked. It wouldn't even get me online at all.
That night I slept horribly. My nose started to clog and my head ached and I could feel a cold coming on. At one point, I'd woken up and couldn't fall back asleep. James' heavy breathing wasn't helping either so I finally got up and slept on the couch in the living room.
Tuesday didn't go much better. I started to feel more sick and tired. I had a few phone things to deal with such as call the people who rear-ended me to give them my new address and phone. I also got a claim number and adjuster to give to Enterprise so I wouldn't have to pay for the rental car. And I had to call my Flexible Spending Account people because they were all of a sudden being jerks and wouldn't accept my final braces payment for the year even though it was the same kind of receipt I'd been supplying ALL YEAR!
After that, I messed with the DSL a little more (which, again, wouldn't work) and finally gave up when I realized I had less than a half an hour to get to my Fitness Assessment appointment I had at the gym.
Feeling slightly ill, I wasn't sure how I'd do on a Fitness Assessment. But I've been recently happy with my weight. I'm down to 147 and feel pretty good. Nothing prepared me to find out what my body fat total was about to be, though. The last time I had it down, I think I was around 29% -- the time before that 27% (but I had little faith in the women who gave me that test). And considering I'd lost a little weight, I was expecting a number around 29% or maybe a little less. I was not expecting 35.5%!!!!! That is in the "poor" category and falls under "obese" and instructs me to lose weight immediatley.
What? I thought I was in decent shape....
Again, like the other times, I'm trying to to put too much stock in the number but it does really rattle my self esteem. I mean, I work out pretty regularly. I eat pretty healthily. I don't think I look too bad. I'm not even wearing plus sizes anymore. But then to see on paper that I'm in "poor condition" -- well, that just makes me a little sad.
I guess the bright side to all of this is that on all the other tests I fell in the good category (which is above average). The trainer said I had one of the highest flex stretch tests she'd seen for a woman at that club. She also said my cardio fit test was once of the best shes administered. I did 33 push-ups in 60 seconds and I could bench press 70% of my body weight.
Still, when everything was added up with my body fat score, my total assessment read: "Need structured and consistent program."
Yeah, right!
So, after my test, I headed home. I was tired and not feeling well and a little bummed with my results. When I got home, I cleaned up the living room a bit, emptied some boxes full of CDs and then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening on the couch whining and moaning about my achy body and stuffed-up nose. The internet still didn't work and in a desperate move to retrieve email, I hooked up AOL which sadly doesn't support notifylist.com so I couldn't let my group know what was up. I didn't have the energy to mess with the DSL or call tech support and I went to bed right away at 10pm.
Still, my sleeping got no better. This time, it was the dog who was whining and restless. She didn't need to pody (which we tried), she didn't need water (which we gave her) and she didn't want a spot on the bed (which we made room for). I honestly think she's restless because the new place is incredibly restrictive in that she hasn't been off her lead outdoors since we'd left my mom's on Friday.
At about 2am, I decided to take Sienna out into the living room with me so that James could get some sleep for work. I slept on the couch (again) while Sienna whined beside me. At about 6am, James got up and told me to get in bed. I did have to get up 7:30ish, though, because I had an appointment with my new employer later in the morning.
I attended the 10am Web Services meeting with my new boss. I was the "Mystery Guest" and got a tour of the place and met the people I'd be working with. My boss later took me out to lunch with another coworker. After lunch, I said my goodbyes and decided to check out the Lifetime Fitness in Eagan. Since Eagan is where I'll be working, I figured I may want to take advantage of that club. It is considerably larger than the one in downtown St. Paul and offers a much larger number of classes. I'm hoping I'll have a better experience there for my "first class." After that, I drove around way too long looking for a grocery store and finally got home around 3ish. I still wasn't motived to deal with the whole DSL thing, so I checked my email on AOL, did a Yoga tape and cleaned up the kitchen. The cable guy returned, hooked up the cable in the back bedroom and I layed down on the couch to rest because I was still feeling a bit sick. James got home 7:30ish, cooked dinner and we watched Temptation Island together (yes, I had to watch it too!). Of course, at 9pm, I noticed the cable had once again gone out in the back room which means I have to call the cable company again!!!!!!
I decided to got to bed around 10:30 and had a horrible time all night. I woke up around 12am because I couldn't breathe at all. I maxxed myself out on Sudafed and basically drifted in and out of sleep until about 2:30 am where I layed wide awake because I couldn't breathe. At 3am, I finally gave up and got out of bed. I watched 3am cable, surfing through The Wonder Years, America's Funniest Home Videos (which they sell on Video "uncensored" now!), Facts of Life, a large number of ab machine infomercials and a Police Academy movie. I think I drifted off about 4:30ish. Again, James got me up at 6am, told me to get in bed where I still didn't sleep that well due to my stuffy head. I finally got up at 8am and here I am typing out my life in detail because I really don't feel like doing much else.
I just feel sad, you know. I had all these plans for this week and none of them are working out. I have to deal with the cable company again today. I also have to deal with this whole DSL mess which I fear is a problem that can't be remedied without some very expensive wiring. I still have a number of boxes that need to be unpacked and my apartment is not nearly to the point that I wanted it by the Thursday of my week off. To top all that off, I still feel very sick and haven't worked out much because of it. I have a depressed dog and I feel quarantened to the building because I don't even know how to get anywhere by myself in this city. I had originally planned on getting around by using Yahoo! Maps but now that the whole internet thing is screwed up, that's not really a pleasing optiong because AOL is just so damn annoying. I had also planned on finding a bank this week as well as getting my dog a license, dealing with my drivers license and setting up an appointment with an orthodontist here. I also wanted to find a hair salon and track down one of these "off-leash" dog parks that everyone tells me exists here.
But, now, instead I just want to curl up on the couch and not do a thing but cry and feel sorry for myself. I feel like shit. My apartment looks like shit. I miss my friends in Madison. And I'm scared I'm not going to like my new job which I start next week. Too top it all off, this is the first week I've taken off in over a year and it's spent sick and sad and all messed up.
And I feel like a big whiner. I should just get over all these minor inconviences and deal with them. They're really minor, after all.
But they're not.
I guess it's just with this whole move, I thought I had gotten through the tough part. James and I were apart for two months, we had to do a hell of a lot of driving. We had to deal with sparsly furnished apartments, a rushed Christmas and double utility bills.
Still, all that wasn't nearly as depressing to me as sitting here in this apartment now, feeling sick and sorry for myself with nothing on my plate but annoying chores. And I don't even know what to look forward to because I don't know what to expect from my future here, from my job...
And that's a little scary.
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