February -- 02-18-99
Goals
I've been going over my totals and food journals in my head. And I don't like what I see. I'm afraid I've become one of those who's talking the talk, but not necessarily walking the walk (if you know what I mean). Yes, I know, I'm exercising and my diet is way better than it ever was. But I've really been resting on those laurels and using that stuff as an excuse to not continually improve. I need to start treating my diet like I do my job. At work, I'm always striving to learn more, do better. And I CAN'T slack "just because" we put out a good catalog last season. If I did that I wouldn't have a job. So why do I allow that crap to go on in my personal life?
Exercise is easy for me now. Geez, like today, I was dead tired last night and dead tired this morning BUT I went anyway because I didn't want "to not go". I'm not even sure that's necessarily a good thing. But either way, I've made exercise a priority in my life. I'm willing to lose those 5-7 hours a week for what effect it has on my body.
The time has come, though, to ask myself, am I willing to lose that evening comfort food or drink for the effect it WILL HAVE? I've been nibbling on chocolate here, chips there because I rationalize to myself, "Hey, I work out everyday -- I deserve this" or "What difference will this 1 oz. of chocolate make?" But it ADDS UP. I've been telling myself "I don't do this often" when I DO do it often. Look back at my journals. One night it's wine, another it's cake. I doubt I have two "perfect" days in a row.
I've been ready your journals for inspiration. And I'm facing that fact that I'm just not working as hard as I should be. I read so much determination in all of your words. Shit, I read them from my own -- *I'm* just not living them out. So, although it may sound redundant, it's time to focus. I mean *REALLY* focus. And not just focus on the easy stuff -- like healthy breakfasts & lunches. I do that already -- I need to focus on the stuff that deep down I don't want to change. Things like the pizza and cake and chocolate. It makes me nervous just thinking about it. Tonight is pizza night for me. But I can't hide behind these obstacles and ignore their effect. I can't just binge on half a frozen pizza and think, what will this matter? It will matter when it happens EVERY week. And if I never take steps to change that -- it will never change. You know, the whole Albert Einstein Relativity thing ;)
So... Heather's full of big words, eh? But what's she going to do. For starters, I'm limiting myself to two pieces of pizza tonight (that's 1/4 of the frozen pizza) and for the rest I'll have salad. No alcohol and NO CAKE! I can do it. Even if ER and Friends is on...
I'll check in tomorrow and let you know how it goes...
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